I carry you with me through my days. Perpetually checking for glimpses of you. I cut out one media outlet but obsess about the others. I see posts appear and disappear.
An internal battle wages in my soul. It takes every ounce of strength in me not to reach out to you. I hold my phone and gaze blankly at it, thinking of all the things we used to use it for… my phone plays a minor role in my life now. But it tempts me so. I struggle with how much I want to hear about your day, to tell you about mine, to hear your voice. But what good would that really do? Losing all contact with you is not what I desire. It was you. It was always you. But I’m slowly realizing that what we’re doing is not healthy… for either of us.
I’m crumbling… I can’t seem to sever these ties. To let myself loose. To cancel my flight. The thought breaks me in two. I’m trapped by these lingering feelings. I wish I hated you. It’d be so much easier but I don’t hate you, Courtney.
But it’s time for me to reclaim my heart. It’s time to let go. Both of us should let go.
For now, it ends so we may grow.
'Gather Together Specters, Midnight’s Drawing Near'
wood engraving by Fritz Eichenberg
Federico Infante. From “The Pathology of Nowhere” series.
RainyXskyz aka Shauna Fannin (USA) - Summer Magic, 2009
Drawings: Scratchboard, Exacto Knife